Lunch With Sandy
Welcome to the "Lunch With Sandy" podcast, where we serve up candid conversations seasoned with humor and insight. Join us as we delve into much-needed discussions, sprinkled with our unique sense of humor. On the menu, you'll find a variety of topics, from conflict resolution to navigating tricky questions with grace. We also explore current events, sharing our perspectives on the everyday trials and triumphs. So pull up a chair, grab a plate, and enjoy the feast of conversation.
Lunch With Sandy
Planting Seeds of Tech: Parenting in the Digital Landscape
Ever found yourself chuckling over who gets to wield the rake during the first yard cleanup of spring? Terrance and I, have definitely been there, and in our latest chat, we're spilling the beans on how digital literacy is reshaping not just the seasons but everything from parenting to paying the bills. Lawnmowers might soon be smarter than our smartphones, and while we're not there yet, we're definitely seeing the impact of tech on our family dynamics.
Remember the days when "digital etiquette" wasn't a thing? Those times are long gone, and now, we're the ones schooling our kids on the do's and don'ts of online behavior. It's not just about good manners; it's about safety, responsibility, and getting ahead of the digital curve. And for all you parents out there who might still be mystified by your child's tablet, don't worry – Terrance and I are right there with you, navigating the same tricky terrain.
As we wrap up another episode full of stories, insights, and a good dose of humor, we invite you to join the conversation. Whether you're a tech guru or a digital novice, we're all in this together, trying to strike the perfect balance between freedom and boundaries for our kids in this online world. So plug in, tune in, and let's keep this dialogue going strong until the leaves fall again.
In a relationship, when is honesty not the best policy? How do you balance what you want versus what you need, and is there something you need to say to your spouse but can't find the right way to say it? If so, then you're in the right place. This is the Lunch with Sandy podcast. With nearly 20 years of marriage under their belts, Terrance and Sandy Jackson discuss a range of topics, provide valuable insights on relationships and talk about the conversations married couples need to have. So what does lunch have to do with all of this? Well, it's a metaphor for how these conversations originally started. Speaking of conversations, let's get one going. Here's your hosts, Terrance and Sandy.
Terrance:Welcome to another episode of the Lunch with Sandy podcast, where we delve into various topics and offer insights from the perspective of a married couple. I'm Terrance.
Sandy:And I'm Sandy.
Terrance:And today, Sandy, we are going to be talking about growing up in this new digital age. But first, please remember to follow the Lunch with Sandy podcast on your favorite podcasting app. Also be sure to follow the show on all social media platforms. At lunch with Sandy. Speaking of Sandy, hope you wait your turn. Let me get it out how you doing today, Sandy.
Sandy:I'm doing well. I'm very excited to see all the plants blooming outside. It's so pretty. I love that about this time of the year.
Terrance:You know what you should be excited about, not the plants.
Sandy:That when you said this digital world, all I heard in my head was let's go Barbie. That song is.
Terrance:I do remember the song, but I don't know why you heard that. What you need to be excited about is cleaning up all them leaves that we got to clean up that you might not see.
Sandy:Oh well, yeah, I'm excited for you to clean them up.
Terrance:No, this year everyone's putting in the same amount of effort when it comes to cleaning up these leaves.
Sandy:Okay.
Terrance:That includes you and the one who's sleeping upstairs.
Sandy:Yeah, she must be going through some kind of growth, spreading or something again.
Terrance:Oh, listen, maybe she was partying all night and before you came in she went to sleep. Listen, you've got to stop setting a bad example. Be home in a timely fashion so she understands that bedtime is bedtime. You can't be out partying all the time.
Sandy:Not for nothing. I was out last night. I still got up before her and went for a five mile run and got home. So I feel like I am a good role model.
Terrance:But you didn't get up before me.
Sandy:No, well, she doesn't know that. What difference does that make you?
Terrance:know you took a bunch of five mile run. I rode 13 miles on the bike and I would have did 17.
Sandy:I just mean, like I feel like I am setting it to be a good role model. Like she knows, I went out last night. As far as she knew, she went to bed before me. I came home I still got up before her.
Terrance:I went for my five mile run, Like you know you do understand that kids mimic only what they want to, not all aspects.
Sandy:So they see, the staying out late part is what she's going to mention she's trying to mimic, not the getting up in the morning.
Terrance:Yes, and she's always trying she already is trying to convince you to stay out later tonight. You see where it's going with that. She's trying to convince you to stay out later tonight. Speaking of cleaning up the leaves, you know this day and age. Well, I'm waiting for them to invent a device that will just go out there and clean it up for me. I'm not talking about hiring anyone, because right now, the higher role.
Sandy:I'm right on my lower is for no sucking up the leaves.
Terrance:No, for right on more. What you don't understand is there are specific attachments that you have to get for that. I'm just going to get the attachment. All right, that's what I'm going to. That's what's going to happen. I didn't say we. So, then don't interrupt me speaking about how I want a device that will just come out there and actually clean it up. I'm surprised that they don't have. I remember a few years back you might not remember this Amazon was piloting this delivery service through drones and you don't hear what happened with that.
Sandy:Well, I think that's probably on purpose.
Terrance:Well, I mean it's funny because, well, not that it's funny in today's world, right? You know we've talked a lot about how kids have so much more access and have so much of a head start due to technology that's available today. The one thing that we haven't touched on is the fact that when we start talking about, you know, digital literacy, us as adults, we got to start coming to the table. When you think about it, now, everything now is digital, and so we just were on vacation recently, right, and a lot of places don't take cash anymore. And when you first say that, you think, ok, well, how is that really related? It's just from the perspective. Technology has advanced that you know, with all these digital wallets, the cards on the phones and all those things you have, all these other means of payment.
Sandy:I still don't understand that. But yeah, you know I get it. That's why Alah has a debit card right, keeping up with the dimes.
Terrance:I went to.
Sandy:But it's like why, other than you know concerns about, you know theft from your employees, like, why else wouldn't you want to take?
Terrance:that it's easier. It's easier. Here's the thing, and I'm not going to stray too far down the path because it's going to get off topic. If you deal with cash now, you have to be responsible for the person who is actually taking that cash to provide the correct amount of change back. That's true, all the handling and all those things. Another part of it, too, is you know, cash is really dirty, but anyway, I digress. I went to an innovation day this week for work and I got to tell you the things. The technology that's out there and what it's capable of doing is going to replace a lot of people.
Sandy:Well, it's funny because Danielle is going to start training for half marathon and you know how she got her training plan? By putting it into an AI chatbot and it pumped out a training plan for her.
Terrance:Now you know, with those things you got to, you know you got to take them with a grain of salt because you got to actually verify that stuff. But the fact of the matter is this it's actually pretty good.
Sandy:I know, no, no, no, got it and yeah, we're following it.
Terrance:It's just funny. The fact of the matter is this more and more places are using technology and from the kids perspective the kids growing up now they're gonna be accustomed to it. It's part of their daily lives. Yeah, from our perspective, if If I wasn't in the field? Well, I'm in the field, so I know. But for those people who aren't in the field, if they don't start coming to the table, yeah they're gonna get left in the dust.
Sandy:Well, I remember when aila was like three and she was, or maybe even two, and she was showing me how to do stuff On the iPad that she learned. It's amazing.
Terrance:I don't know how to do it's amazing how quickly they actually pick that stuff up. Yeah and so let me, let me first Let me define when I, when I say digital literacy, what I'm talking about is I'm talking about a collection of skills that allow users to utilize digital tools to the fullest. So when a Kid goes to school today, they're taught using all these tools. Yeah, from jump.
Sandy:Well, yeah, whereas Well, yeah, we certainly did not go to school with Chromebooks and all that stuff that these kids go to school with today.
Terrance:I remember in school I had a computer program in class and what grade? That was. I think it was the eighth grade. Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I wasn't the eighth grade. No, I wasn't a grade that was. I think that was my senior year in high school. Okay and they were using the five inch floppy disks.
Sandy:Yep.
Terrance:Now that was advanced. Back then there was no, we had Typewriters yep. When you got to college you might have had one of those brother. They weren't called typewriters, they were word process, was a little brother word processes. But the stuff they got today is is well beyond that, and the challenge for the generation who has Not typically grown up that way is Everything is just so Different now.
Sandy:Mm-hmm.
Terrance:Kids now exists in a digital space that didn't exist before no, I remember my first experience the same.
Sandy:So middle school we had typewriters. I thought you know we were fancy at home because we have an electric typewriter. Mm-hmm that could even erase things. Yeah, Go back and white over stuff right, but my first experience was also in middle school with computers, but it was just kind of like free time playing the Oregon Trail.
Terrance:Yeah. So when we start talking about well, scratch that for a second so the fact that the younger generation is so intertwined, when we start talking about, you know, digital literacy, the digital age, the question becomes we know that when they go to school, they're being taught this stuff Mm-hmm. But the question becomes how much of An influence or how much involvement should happen at home, as opposed to what's happened in school. And the reason why I say that is, again, they're learning this from jump, and it's a space where, if you don't have a presence in and you are not aware of it, you can't then begin to understand what it is that they're doing or what they're going through.
Sandy:Well, right, so we teach our children right etiquette on how to behave at somebody else's house, how, to you know, behave out there in the world. The digital world is just a different space that you also need to teach them proper etiquette Like these are the things you do and these are the things you don't do right, yes, and the thing that's so true.
Terrance:The challenge that I think that we have as a society is there's two things. Well, you can look at it from two perspectives one, what you know, what you don't know, you don't know. And the other is out of sight, out of mind, and this is why I asked the question how much involvement or how much responsibility should rest at the home when we start talking about how they move in that digital space, because the digital world has such an impact on young, on the young, and you said something very powerful. We teach well, historically, we teach our kids how to behave in certain situations, in certain places, but there's not a lot of that that happens when let me refrain, let me take a step back.
Terrance:I don't know if the level of teaching that used to happen with okay, this is how you behave in these situations is happening when we start talking about kids and that digital space, because remember now, from the perspective of what they do in the digital environment, it's nearly everything now. Yes, and you know.
Sandy:In. You know, we don't allow them to just go off willy-nilly and do whatever they want, like at home. No, we don't but Like why would the digital space be any different? Like we shouldn't just be like oh well, here now you have access to even more than you would Within the confine of these walls, so go at it, have fun. Like you, just you know I wouldn't you like that to me makes no sense. Like, why wouldn't you have some type of controls and in conversations with your kids about that space as well?
Terrance:I'll tell you why because if you're not part of the digital age, or if you don't Understand the digital age, if you're aged out and when I say aged out, what I mean by that is if you haven't grown up utilizing these tools and you have kids that do, if you don't take a vested interest or if you don't put yourself in a position to know what it is that they're doing, yeah telling them one thing.
Terrance:Telling them something is one thing. Yeah, being able to follow up and make sure that they're actually following the actions, the example and the words that you tell them is Something completely different, and if you're not in that space, then I think that's where the challenge comes up.
Sandy:You're right, you hit the key, because I think in today's age, who?
Sandy:isn't in that space do you know what I mean? We May not have grown up in this digital environment, but we all have, like, smartphones and in everything like we're using the digital stuff all the time as well. It's not like it's just the kids and not us, but you said the key thing, which is actually Following up and understanding, like what your kids are doing right, like that additional Few steps that you have to then put time, an energy into making sure that you understand specifically what they are using.
Terrance:Yeah, and you know what? And here's what you can do, because I'm gonna put two of my daughters on blast and I love them to death. You can't just make assumptions and I'm gonna use two examples. I remember when we discovered Lexi had a Twitter account.
Sandy:The Twitter. I thought you were gonna go MySpace, wasn't it MySpace?
Terrance:No, it wasn't MySpace.
Sandy:Okay, it was Twitter.
Terrance:It was Twitter and it wasn't so much. Yeah, well, twitter's been around. I mean, that's what I don't look, a lot of kids. Twitter's been around for a very long time. But the real surprise was what she was actually putting in the Twitter account and it was stuff that we would have never had thought that she would be doing. Fast forward. Aila Aila created a burner account. She didn't use her real name, and this was years ago. She's gonna be 14, and this was years ago she had a burner account.
Sandy:I was forgot about that one.
Terrance:Like, yeah, these kids, and the thing about it was this we gave them the freedom, working off the assumption that they wouldn't do that stuff, and the problem is well, I think the thing that we have to understand is now Stop trying to assume.
Terrance:Well, that's one thing. If you go back right when we were younger, our identity was who we were, and by that what I mean is okay. Well, if you ran track, that was part of your identity. If you wore stylish clothes, that was part of your identity. Today, kids' entire identity exists. It exists in things like social media and things like that. So, from that perspective, the accessibility that they have, and accessibility to them, is so much greater.
Terrance:And it has so much more of an impact because you can get it from everywhere. And when I say you can get it from everywhere, I mean once you're in that space. If it's not controlled, anyone can reach out to you.
Sandy:So which makes me laugh, because I think about when I was growing up as a young adult, I didn't want picture evidence of things. That's the thing, listen, like in these kids. They're just blasting it out there and I'm like don't take pictures. I don't want evidence.
Terrance:Look, you know the thing, that they're putting all the receipts out there.
Sandy:Right, I'm like you know, because if there's no photographic evidence, it's all hearsay and you can't.
Terrance:Yeah, you can't think about it. As you know, there's the phrase you can't. You know, do in dirt, you can't do no. Well, listen, I've seen some stuff where it's just blatant. Now, the thing about it is no one's trying to hide anything. Everything that you do is it's out there for people to see. And on the flip side, though, is that can be a huge issue, because once your identity is intertwined with that digital space, you're much more accessible to people, having an impact on your mental health, your self consciousness, all of those things, because you're out there. So you know your career.
Sandy:I've seen things have gotten posted and people have gotten fired from their jobs because the job well, the company was not in line with the behavior of their associates. And it's not even like that person was on company time, wasn't wearing like company logo or anything. It's just your behavior. You know, on and off the clock has to represents that company.
Sandy:So you know, you think you're safe per se, because, whatever, it's seven o'clock at night and nobody knows that you work for a particular company. They're going to find out, though, and that's exactly what has happened. I've seen it happen a few times.
Terrance:That's why it's so important that when we talk about that set of skills, that it's not just a situation where you, as a parent, you can afford to say, well, that's for the younger generation, because you have to be able to teach them, to educate them and say, hey, listen, first off, I think the biggest misconception that a lot of these people take is when you do something online or you do something in that digital space, there's no consequences. But that's incorrect Because, first off, once you put it out there, it's out there. There's no taking it back. If I come to you and I say something and I want to say I didn't say it, I can say, well, I didn't say that, she's making it up.
Sandy:Even if you delete it, I'm sure there's 10 people who screen shot it.
Terrance:Listen and the truth of the matter is nothing is ever deleted.
Sandy:Yeah, no.
Terrance:Once it's in that digital space, it's not deleted. No, you're right, you can think you deleted it.
Sandy:Yeah, and so this is the funny thing for me is that, you know, in the beginning of the conversations I talked about etiquette and I feel like the digital space has its own set of rules of what etiquette should be. Now, does everybody follow that? No, however, you know, I feel people are more emboldened and emblazoned because you don't have that physical interaction, like I'm not saying this to your face 100%.
Sandy:So I can just put those words out there. But at the same time, yeah, you're right, there's going to be consequences. Like you post something, tons of people are going to see it and then, even if you take it down, they've probably already screenshoted it anyways.
Terrance:Yeah, and you said something that, unfortunately, is a side effect of all that technology has enabled us to do People become far more emboldened in what they want to say.
Sandy:Yeah. And they see it as like their platform, like they can just say whatever they want.
Terrance:Well, they can say whatever they want and they can talk about. You know, the amount of disrespect that can come through based off someone not sitting or standing in front of you is incredible, and I think that you know I was talking about the self-esteem and mental health of, you know, kids and it being such a big concern because their world is all intertwined in this. And I won't say all of them because there are still some parents who say, hey, listen, I'm not, you're not mature enough to actually be a part of that. And, if you recall, we actually did take a lot from Ayla because she had a whole bunch of freedom.
Terrance:And again, part of it had to do with, you know, we've parented before, we have grown children and we had become a bit more. Lack's a day's a call, I'm not gonna say. Lack's a day's a day's a call, a bit more free with what we were handing down for consequences and repercussions.
Sandy:Yeah, well, and it's funny because you know we had those conversations with Ayla. Like you know, you're too young, we don't think you're mature enough to have this and I think, sadly, and I guess fortunately she recognizes that and she honestly, at this point in time, doesn't even want it.
Terrance:No, and you know, the unfortunate side effect of that and I'm not specifically talking well, I'm gonna talk specifically about Ayla is, and it's not just her, it's all kids. That social aspect is not the way it used to be, if you remember. Well, I remember that there was always a bunch of kids playing in the street when I was younger. There was always a bunch of kids down at the basketball court. There was always a bunch of kids all over the place and the thing that they were doing were they were actually interacting.
Sandy:Now.
Terrance:I do think kids still interact, they just do it digitally.
Sandy:Yeah.
Terrance:And there are some social cues that aren't either learned or get left out when you're talking to someone through a device.
Sandy:Yeah, but not to just even constantly harp on the negatives. I feel like this digital and being able to interact with kids can be an opportunity. Think about it back in the day we had our pen pals. Like I don't know what I mean. This day and age, kids have the opportunity to connect with other kids that are outside of their immediate radius. It could be across the globe. They can get to know people of different cultures and in everything. Unfortunately, I don't think that that happens often, but that's where I feel like they have such a wealth of opportunity for them to personally learn and grow. So it would be nice if there was just kind of like a safe space for kids I'll use safe space because nothing is ever really safe but at the same time, that they can just go in and actually interact with one another.
Terrance:Yeah, I think that if they had vetted programs for that, I think it'd be great. The reason why I say vetted programs is because everything you said is true, but there are other people who have digital identities out there and they misrepresent those identities. And I think when we start talking about and this is one of the areas where, well, I'm not gonna go negative but we have to look at the flip side of that access and the flip side of you know, you can have this great tool and this great tool should be used for great things, but there's always going to be the minority of individuals or people who are going to twist that to meet their needs. And I think it's one of the things that we, as individuals, have to be extremely concerned with, because now we start talking about, okay, we have all these kids who have their identity wrapped up in this digital space. The people and the access that they have and the people that come in contact with they can represent themselves as one thing and be something completely different, and what that does is it opens up a whole host of issues.
Terrance:You gotta be concerned with prejudice. You gotta be concerned with individuals who feel that because they're in this digital space. They can bully, so you gotta be concerned with cyberbullies. And then there's this whole aspect of when you start talking about the whole employment thing. Once you put something out there, like I said, it's gone. You can be in a situation where you make a statement and you don't work for a company, but then years later you go work for a company and now someone discovers some content that you put online. And now that's coming back to actually ruin your dreams.
Sandy:Or, honestly, I think even HR is starting to look at people's social profiles before they even hire. Is this somebody we want representing our company?
Terrance:So I'm gonna tell you a funny story, and I think I might've told you this, but I don't remember. So you know, I had took a break from social media for a few years and it just so happened that I was elected to a particular board and I remember going to the first meeting and one individual was saying oh yeah, I tried to look you up on social media but I couldn't find anything on you. And I know why they were doing it because, listen, they wanna make sure that when they're picking someone who is going to be a representation of that company, they wanna make sure that that person is going to represent them in the best light possible. And one of the ways that you do that is you do your homework. And I didn't feel any sort of way about it. I mean, I was like and I said listen. I said yeah, I said I haven't been on social media for a hot minute. I mean I didn't use those exact terms, but it was a hot minute.
Sandy:Well, right, and thinking about that, and even myself, I took a small hiatus and I'm barely even on it these days, because sometimes it was hard to even separate my emotional feelings from what other people were doing. So how do we expect our teenagers, who aren't even mature enough in their emotions, to do that?
Terrance:Yeah, and you know what I think? One of the things that is and I'm not going to get too deep into this because this is going down another path, but it still has to do with the aspect of the digital age you got to be concerned with online grooming, and when I talk about online grooming, I'm talking about it from a number of aspects. Again, your kid, your teenager, your young child is on a social media app or whatever, and they come in contact with someone who is misrepresented themselves, and you don't know that, and a child doesn't know that, and so now they start to put ideas in the mind of your kid, prepping them for something. Or let's go in another direction. So many people have found that I can do a certain number of things in this digital space that will earn me money.
Sandy:Yeah.
Terrance:That doesn't always provide the best representation from them.
Sandy:Yeah.
Terrance:Our kids mimic what they see, and if they see that someone else can have a particular amount of success, or someone or so many people are doing this, now you actually have to fight that battle also. So, again, there are so many positive things that you can get out of specific tools, but when we start talking about that digital space and digital literacy, us as adults, us as parents, we have to be able to keep pace with the kids, because the stuff that they're able to do far exceeds what a lot of us can do, and they can do it at such a younger age.
Sandy:For sure, and not to keep harping on the negatives, but when you talk about the mental health and the self esteem, too is social media everybody tries, I think, also to put their best foot forward. They're not going to air their dirty laundry per se on their social media profiles.
Sandy:So here you are scrolling through things like oh my goodness, I wish I could be like them. All they do is travel the world and stuff like that, and so it just I think it sometimes sets an expectation of what the kid is missing out on or whatever, you know what I mean All of a sudden idolizing certain things. That maybe isn't always the case or well represented.
Terrance:Yeah, and you know the other thing, and I don't know how I miss this Once your identity is out there, it's open for someone to actually steal it.
Sandy:Oh yeah. My mom just had a second, so many take her profile pic and make a second profile pic.
Terrance:Yeah, and the thing about it is it's so easy to do and you don't look If I got my wallet in my hand and my ID is in it, if someone takes that from me, I know if the digital world didn't exist, because now you use that stuff in so many different places and there are so many breaches that people get a hold of this information. And let's even take it outside of this. I mean, lexi just had a situation where she had her identity stolen and someone tried to open up some credit cards and things like that. That is a byproduct of the digital age that we actually live in. Now, if we had stone tablets and chisels, then it might be a little harder, it might be a little bit safer. So I mean, I think that having the accessibility, having all these tools, are great.
Sandy:Yeah.
Terrance:I think the challenge comes in where, as adults, we don't do our due diligence to make sure that we're as prepared as we can be, to make sure that the younger generation and the kids get the education, the training and the actual input from us that they need, to make sure, as they're navigating that space, that they're actually safe.
Sandy:Yeah, I agree, I think we could be doing a better job with that. I do feel, at least, that the schools this day and age, because I remember with Lexi and Shayna they didn't really talk about it, it was more like dare. You know I mean it was just like drugs and alcohol and this and that, but I feel like at least the schools now are talking more about the digital space, like cyberbullying, the predators. So they at least do, I think, put some foundation down.
Sandy:But us, as parents, we need to do a better job.
Terrance:Yeah, I'm glad you said that last part again, because when we were talking about some of the differences between raising a boy and a girl, this is going episodes back and we were talking about who the onus is on. I think too many times parents put the responsibility on the school, and it's great that the school does that stuff.
Sandy:I agree.
Terrance:But as a parent, you need the parent.
Sandy:Yeah, exactly.
Terrance:So let's wrap this up here, and I got a nice little statement that I'm going to read for you, which is not something I do very often.
Sandy:But I prepared this. I'm waiting anxiously.
Terrance:Growing up in the digital age creates opportunities for innovation, connectivity and challenges. It's essential to recognize the profound impact of technology on our lives and the lives of future generations. From shaping identities to fostering activism, from reshaping family dynamics to redefining the future of work, the digital age offers boundless opportunities and formidable hurdles. Yet, amidst the whirlwinds of bites and pixels, one constant remains the resiliency and adaptability of the human spirit. By fostering digital literacy, promoting online safety, nurturing meaningful connections and embracing mindful technology use that's important we can empower ourselves and the generations to come to navigate this brave new world with wisdom, compassion and purpose. So let us embark on this journey together, mindful of the past, present and the infinite possibilities of the future that lies ahead in the digital age. Thank you for joining us on the Lunch with Sandy podcast. Please be sure to follow us and leave feedback on your favorite podcasting app, as well as social media, at Lunch with Sandy. Until next time, stay well.
Announcer:That's it for this week's episode of the Lunch with Sandy podcast. Thanks for listening. We'd love to hear your feedback and comments on Instagram, TikTok and Twitter at Lunch with Sandy, and be sure to follow us on your favorite podcast app. If you enjoyed the show, don't forget to rate and review us. Thanks again for listening to the Lunch with Sandy podcast.
