Lunch With Sandy
Welcome to the "Lunch With Sandy" podcast, where we serve up candid conversations seasoned with humor and insight. Join us as we delve into much-needed discussions, sprinkled with our unique sense of humor. On the menu, you'll find a variety of topics, from conflict resolution to navigating tricky questions with grace. We also explore current events, sharing our perspectives on the everyday trials and triumphs. So pull up a chair, grab a plate, and enjoy the feast of conversation.
Lunch With Sandy
Me Time: Strengthening Marriage through Personal Space
Ever wondered how a vacation from your spouse might actually bring you closer together? Join us, Terrance and Sandy, as we reveal the untold benefits of carving out personal space in a marriage, without sacrificing the intimacy that binds us. Experience the journey of discovering that, indeed, absence can make the heart grow fonder, as we share our own tales of managing the delicate dance between unity and autonomy in our relationship. From the invigorating solitude of a girls' trip to the artful juggle of leaving workplace woes behind, we bare all in navigating the crossroads of personal growth and relationship harmony.
This episode is an intimate exploration of the art of 'me time' and its pivotal role in fostering not only individual identity but also the strength of a partnership. We'll take you through the necessity of supporting each other's pursuits and how it serves to deepen trust and connection. Whether it's the serenity of a morning run or the peace of an evening book, we dissect how these moments of solitude aren't selfish, but rather vital building blocks for a resilient, vibrant bond.
Then, we wade into the sometimes turbulent waters of insecurities and independence. We swap stories and insights on how to nourish trust and set healthy boundaries, all while cherishing our togetherness. As we navigate the challenges of communication during 'me time' and the importance of maintaining individual routines, our conversation is an open book for couples seeking to maintain their connection amidst the whirlwind of daily life. Tune in for a heart-to-heart on keeping the spark alive while honoring our individual selves.
In a relationship, when is honesty not the best policy? How do you balance what you want versus what you need, and is there something you need to say to your spouse but can't find the right way to say it? If so, then you're in the right place. This is the Lunch with Sandy podcast. With nearly 20 years of marriage under their belts, Terrance and Sandy Jackson discuss a range of topics, provide valuable insights on relationships and talk about the conversations married couples need to have. So what does lunch have to do with all of this? Well, it's a metaphor for how these conversations originally started. Speaking of conversations, let's get one going. Here's your hosts, Terrance and Sandy.
Terrance:Welcome to another episode of the Lunch with Sandy podcast, where we delve into various topics and provide insight and perspective from the point of view of a married couple. I'm Terrance and I'm Sandy, and today I want to have a discussion about the concept of me time. But before that, please remember to follow us using your favorite podcasting app. You can also follow us on social media at lunch with Sandy, and speaking of Sandy, sandy yes, what's the deal? How are you doing?
Sandy:today I'm good. I feel like I'm going into vacation semi calmly, which is nice.
Terrance:I don't know what going into vacation semi, semi calmly means.
Sandy:Well, you know when work is too crazy and you continue to feel like the craziness even though you're done with work.
Terrance:I don't have that problem. You know why. You know this. I've been practicing to leave it at the door technique for many, many moons. That means when I leave work, all of that baggage stays at that door. When I walk out I'll pick it back up when I come back in.
Sandy:Yeah, well, sometimes it's not as easy, because then you worry about the baggage that you're going to have to pick back up.
Terrance:Well, I'm not saying you personally. Well, I'm going to put it to you this way your company is not a company of one, and if something unfortunate were to happen to you, they would move on. When you look at it from that perspective, it puts a lot of things right where they belong. I'm doing great today. Well, that's wonderful.
Terrance:I just had the opportunity to hang out with Maya. Travis bought Maya over. She was a little shy at first, but then, by the time she was ready to go, she was playing with Lego. She was talking eating cookies. That's right, it was good.
Sandy:Now I'm not playing the Legos with her.
Terrance:Well, we'll let you believe that it might be another five years before we see her again, but it was still a beautiful morning.
Sandy:It was.
Terrance:Now I realized something.
Terrance:I see you a lot and that might sound like We'll see that we live in the same house so you know when you're in a relationship, whether it be married or just, you know, going steady, as the old folks would say the potential exists for you to be around someone an awful lot, and that could be a good thing. For the most part it's a good thing, but that can start the way on you. Sometimes you may want a little elbow room. Sometimes you may want a little space. You know what I mean.
Sandy:That's why you work different schedules, right.
Terrance:Well, we don't work different schedules, no, we don't, I was being sarcastic. In many relationships this might be something that comes up, and there's a phrase that comes into mind that I'm going to ask you Does absence make the heart grow fonder?
Sandy:I think to a point and then after that it's just like out of sight, out of mind.
Terrance:So let's take a trip back. Mm-hmm. I want to say when are we going? Well, we're going back in time. We're going to take a trip back in time. You recently did a girls trip. How was it?
Sandy:It was great.
Terrance:It was great. It gave you an opportunity to be with those of your ilk. I like that word, ilk, but it gave you an opportunity to recharge your battery, hang out with some friends and have a good time. It gave you the opportunity To miss you.
Terrance:I was going to say it gave you the opportunity to have some me time, and I think that when you start talking about relationships, I think some of the ones that are very, very successful are the ones where the two individuals find a way to maintain a delicate balance of coming together and maintaining some form of independence, and when I say some form of independence, I mean finding that time to focus on them, to make them better, to focus on the relationship.
Sandy:Yeah, because I don't know, being together like 24-7 all the time, I would think would start wearing on the nerves a little bit.
Terrance:Well and technically you're not together 24-7. If you work, I mean if you guys are sitting around a house and you're independently wealthy, or you're just a bum then yeah, well, yeah, I get what you're saying.
Terrance:I think that when you start talking about the concept of me time, there are two things that I think about. On the one hand, when you're together with someone, in your inner relationship, spending time, spending quality time, has the tendency to strengthen your bond. Right, you have the opportunity to build trust, you know, you have the opportunity to work on your communication, and that time that you spend together is really time that you're investing in that relationship. But, on the other hand, if you cannot maintain your individual identity, that can be a problem, because it's crucial to maintain who you are, because each person has their own unique values and qualities and perspectives and experience, and that's something that you actually bring to the relationship.
Terrance:Right now, we're talking about trying to find that balance between you know, being together as a couple and finding that time so you can actually have the time to be who you are and work on yourself.
Terrance:And I was saying earlier that when you come into a relationship, you have your own values, your experience and perspectives and you have to be able to, while in a relationship, promote each other's personal growth. You have to be able to learn from one another. You have to be able to foster that mutual respect between each other, and that's a part of being yourself, that's a part of being who you are. So when I talk about the concept of you know, being balancing, being together and having me time, as long as you nurture those parts of your relationship, then I think that only adds to the probability of that relationship being a success. Because now, when that balance is there again, the me time is going to promote that personal growth and the time that you have together, like I said earlier, is an investment in you know, time put into the actual relationship. And there are some benefits for having that time to yourself. Like I said, when you went away, you had that time to recharge, you had that time to kick it with the girls.
Sandy:So what about you, though? While I was gone, how did you feel? Did you feel like you had almost some time to yourself too?
Terrance:Yeah, I always have time to myself. I always make time to myself when I talk about me. Time you don't necessarily have to. It doesn't have to be extended time away. Yeah.
Terrance:You know you can find me time within the day. As long as you have the opportunity to spend some time to think about or take care of what it is you need to do personally, then it can be five minutes, it can be an hour. I get me time in every day. I'm the first person up. It's me and Jack's time in the morning. Everybody else is asleep. I get a chance to do what I need to do first thing in the morning.
Sandy:Yeah, no, and I usually get my me time at night. Yeah. Once either you or Ayla are gone and if I'm home alone.
Terrance:Yeah, yes. So, like I said, I mean there are some benefits to being able to get that time in for yourself. I mentioned earlier that everyone has, you know, different experiences, but in addition to that, you have your own hobbies, desires, things that you like to do. Yeah. So if you can spend time doing those things again, that makes you a more complete, healthy, happier person. So having the time to do that is a benefit.
Sandy:Yeah, definitely, I don't honestly watch you around me when I'm playing my piano, just as part of one of those things.
Terrance:Well, I mean I don't wanna be around you when you're playing your piano.
Sandy:I mean, like that's my me time right, Like you're not playing an instrument too or anything, so you would just be sitting there. Yes, you could have said it a little differently.
Terrance:I don't wanna be around you when you're playing your piano.
Sandy:And it's distracting sometimes having other people in the room.
Terrance:Yeah, when you start talking about building something or being a part of something, regardless of whether or not it's a relationship well, we're talking about relationships, regardless of whether or not you're married you have to have that time for self-discovery. You're gonna have a time where you start to find out who you are as a couple. Yep.
Terrance:But we grow and we change on a regular basis and you need time for that self-discovery. And I think that's one of the benefits, because self-discovery it helps you understand your values, your strengths, your weaknesses, and so now, when you start talking about building something together, when you understand those things, you know where you're a match, you know where you're strong in one area, you know where you're going to need help in another area. So being able to have that time to do self-discovery is very important.
Sandy:Yeah, and honestly, as part of that self-discovery, you may realize that you're not always into the same activities too. So you know that me time is then used to continue, you know, enjoying that particular activity even if the other person doesn't want to. So I think that's kind of important because also Really understanding why you like it, why you know you want it to do it and so forth, and if you're just doing it together, it might kind of, I guess, not feel as valued, for lack of a better term.
Terrance:Well, the other thing that that self discovery does is it provides you with. It provides you with self awareness right and then, from the perspective of you know, being aware of who you are, that helps you when you start talking about decision making and your ability to deal with challenges.
Sandy:Well, yeah, especially with the decision making, because I like to be able to talk with you about decisions, but then I also like my time alone to me, in my own head, with me, myself and I, and talk to myself, talk to myself through things.
Terrance:Yeah, you struggled with that one a little bit, I think.
Sandy:I think the three of y'all couldn't come out with the words correctly.
Terrance:Probably not, you know so let me ask you this you know, one of the benefits of being apart for a short period of time is, again, when they say, the heart grows fonder. They're talking about reigniting, and I don't know. I don't even know if I want to use the term reigniting, but when you miss someone and you see them again, there's a passion there to actually try to make up for that lost time, even though the time could be very, very short.
Sandy:Well, I think sometimes it's also just being away from someone, just, I think, makes you appreciate them.
Terrance:It does I mean.
Sandy:You know what I mean. It doesn't have to necessarily be like a reigniting or rekindling, like oh my goodness, we've been away from each other for a whole day, you know. But I think it also puts things into perspective of like too bad, he's not here to appreciate this, or too bad they're not here to help me with that, you know. So I think it gives you that appreciation.
Terrance:Yes, that's, that's the. You know what that's called, the appreciation for. You know it's for reflection and introspection. That's one of the things that space actually provides you. It gives you the opportunity to sit and think about. You know what's going on with me, what's going on with us and all those other things. When you have the opportunity to have time apart, you're going to be surrounded by different stimuli, and that's good, because when you have the same old, same old, things don't change. And when I say things don't change when you're used to going through the same routine yeah.
Terrance:I think you get comfortable. But when the stimuli is a little different, whether you're in a different place or you're around different personal, you have that time to yourself. You know, sometimes ideas spark.
Sandy:Yeah.
Terrance:And the ideas can be centered around any different things, but it gives you the opportunity to start thinking about different things that you can now bring back to the relationship and start working on as a pair.
Sandy:Yeah, see, when you started talking about that, I started thinking about the word mundane.
Terrance:I mean, that's one way to say it.
Sandy:So it gets a little mundane, like just the same thing over and over and over again, like you know who wants to eat the same foods over and over again, like so who wants the same exact day over and over again.
Terrance:Yeah, you know, the other thing that I think having some space apart does is I think it provides and again, this is, this is more along the lines when I was talking about that, you know reflection and introspection. It provides clarity. Sometimes you're in a situation where, if you don't have the time to remove yourself from it, you're always attached to it, and so what happens is you can get a bit biased about what it is you're thinking because of the situation. But if you get a chance to step away, it gives you, it provides you the opportunity to have some clarity, to think differently, or not even to think differently, but to clearly think about what it is that is going on, what it is that you wanna say. And then it provides an opportunity to address a situation in a different manner or look at it from a different point of view.
Sandy:Well, to be honest, I feel like sometimes just even having a conversation can be somewhat distracting, you know. So when. That's why I said, you know, while I like talking to you and through things with you, that time alone, like you said, is that introspection, because it might not be something I think of in the moment too, and then I have the time to just cause I have a little bit more peace and quiet. You know, and I'm not trying to almost like analyze what you're telling me, to then think about how you know, not in a bad way, like how my response is gonna be to that, by not having that and just kind of talking through it and by myself, I feel like it just sometimes is easier to put my thoughts and ideas and feelings most of all into perspective.
Terrance:So do you think that introducing the concept or someone saying okay, well, I need some me time can pose some challenges?
Sandy:Oh yeah, for sure. I feel like people may take that as an affront to them. Like well, why do you need me time? Like you know what's your issue with me. You know that now you need time alone.
Terrance:Yeah, I can see, in certain situations, depending on who it is, someone can be very insecure if you say, hey, I need some me time, yeah, and I think the challenge with that is, you know, seeing it as being me time and not seeing it as being away from me.
Sandy:Right.
Terrance:And that's one of the challenges that, depending on who it is, there are some people who they don't have any issue with it because they're very secure, and not just who they are, but in their relationship. And that's the thing you know. Like I said, on the two sides of the coin, on one hand you know together, you have that opportunity to be together and build trust, and that's a big part of it like building trust. But on the other hand, if it's a situation where someone doesn't view it as me time, they view it as away from me time, then that can actually be an issue.
Sandy:Yeah. And along Time versus not with you time, yeah.
Terrance:And along with that, you know, some people may feel like they're being neglected because you're choosing to actually spend some time on yourself and not time on them.
Sandy:I remember when I used to tell you all the time you should go out. What, like you know cause somebody would like invite you to something and then you'd be like debating and I would be like, go, why won't you?
Terrance:I don't know what you're talking about. The only time I was with debate is because it wasn't something that I wanted to do.
Sandy:Well, sometimes you'd come home and then you'd like I don't know if I'd be like going back home. Yeah, but that's but to me I'm like, you know, you should go, go get your time, you know.
Terrance:Yeah, that's not me. Time is not time out with someone who you're debating on whether or not you want to actually be with. That's not my definition of me time. If I come home and say, oh, I'm not sure, then I don't really want to go. How many times was what I tell you listen after work I'm doing this or I'm going to be doing this, this.
Terrance:I don't have no time. I don't have a problem finding time for me. If someone invites me to something and I'm like, ah, you know, I may feel a little obligated because of who they are. That's one of those situations where I was like, eh, it's never a situation where, oh well, I, you know, I want to go, but I don't want you to feel insecure or, you know, leave you or no.
Sandy:I really don't want to go. Well, no for me. Sometimes I get lazy and once I'm home I don't feel like leaving again.
Terrance:The challenge with that is this too when I look at the location of where these events are taking place, yeah, when I get home I ain't going back out, right, because now you depend most of the time. It's going to be like in Providence. And so you're going to have to fight through traffic to get back into Providence. Yeah.
Terrance:You know what I mean. And many times it's going to entail someone having a beverage or two. And now you got to be concerned with okay, well, if I have a couple drinks, I still got to drive all the way back home where you know they're local, so my downfall is sitting on the couch.
Sandy:Once I sit on the couch, forget it. I'm probably not leaving the house.
Terrance:Yeah, and we're getting a little sidetracked with the downfalls. But you know another challenge. Well, as part of those challenges, when you start talking about insecurity, when you start talking about you know, someone possibly feeling neglected, I think it all comes down to misunderstandings. Yeah. And I think that that can be a big challenge, because sometimes well, I say this all the time you can't change how a person really feels. Only they can.
Sandy:Correct.
Terrance:And if someone has an insecurity. Yeah. That insecurity is theirs to deal with. Now you can do all you can to help put them in the position so they don't feel that way, but truly they're the only ones who can actually get themselves from feeling that way.
Sandy:Yeah. And honestly, I think that is probably the biggest issue with the meantime. I feel like it, the predominantly, at least everything I've heard from people I know. It's always that insecurity. It's never anything outside of that. I feel like people understand the value of me time, but then they're insecure to allow it to happen.
Terrance:Well, I know that people have changed their lives when they get into a relationship, and let me explain what I mean. You know, every Sunday, sunday is Sunday's run day, or ride day. Yeah, that's my day, and we used to run with a lot of people until they got into a relationship or their significant other decided listen, I don't want you to do that, because then what am I going to do? That was their me time. For a lot of them, that was the time where they de-stressed. That was a time when they found camaraderie, where they found brotherhood and, to be honest, where they had the opportunity to work on their health, physically and mentally.
Sandy:Yeah well, honestly, I find that very sad, especially in the scenario where it's oh well, what am I gonna do while you're doing this me time? Well, that's when you have you time. Well you know like you just both have your own me time.
Terrance:Yeah, I'm not gonna name specific names, but there was one situation where I was talking to. I was talking to a buddy who I used to run with and he was like oh yeah, you know, my new girl, she don't want me running on Sundays. Da, da, da, da da. And I'm like, okay, well, you know, you guys gotta try to find a way where he goes. I tried, you know, I asked her, you know. I said you know, she can even come, you know, running with me on some days and so she can get into it. She was like nah, I said listen, I said sounds to me like-.
Terrance:That sounds a little selfish, you know right, I said it sounds to me like she might be a little insecure and you know she doesn't want you being apart from her for very long.
Sandy:Right which is kind of funny because they're just going out running with a bunch of other guys like what trouble are they? Gonna get into? I don't really know.
Terrance:And the thing about it is this Not like.
Sandy:Oh, you know, I need some me time. I'm gonna go to the club tonight.
Terrance:There is so much that running for us on Sunday does and when I say so much, I'm talking outside of the physical aspect of it. You know what I mean. We really have a brotherhood where, from a mental health perspective, from the perspective of de-stression, from the perspective of just clowning, we get so much out of that run group that we actually do that for us as individuals and as men. It does a lot for our relationships because, again, we have all these conversations about this, that and the other, about marriage, about kids, about all of these things, and we have each other as a sounding board, we have each other as brothers to actually, you know, just have our time, and that makes us better men, which makes us better husbands, which makes us better to deal with actual relationships.
Terrance:So I think when we start talking about that concept of meantime, you know the challenge is, I know that they exist out there, but people really have to find a way to actually start getting over those. I do have some strategies that people can use to help their significant others to get on board when we start talking about the meantime. And the first one is it's not rocket science, it's something we talk about all the time, and that's honest and open communication. I think, behind honest and open communication, there's that element of trust that you have had to have built, and now the thing with trust, though, is this you can do everything in your power to show someone that they should trust you. Yeah.
Terrance:Whether or not they choose to. That's on them and that's for a whole another episode that's not here, but I think that when you start talking about honest and open communication, I think that's one of the strategies that you really need to enlist. When you're start talking about how do I deal with being able to have the time to do myself discovery, to make sure that I'm doing what I need for myself so I can do what I need to do for us.
Sandy:Yeah, so you know, for me too, I think, right, like I have a similar situation, right, I run with Danielle all the time right, you know why you use the names. Well, because I run with Danielle all the time right, and obviously it's very similar situation. It's like our catch up time we talk about. You know how our week went?
Terrance:just like what's going on? When you said situation, I didn't know which situation we was talking about. I thought you was talking about the situation where the brother was saying that his significant other wasn't gonna let him run.
Sandy:No, no, but well, it's a long-winded way of getting there, but anyhow. So, like you experience it with your friends, I experience it with Danielle and I feel like that can also help that trust situation because, like, if you're having a similar type of situation and you realize, oh well, when I go running with Danielle, it's really more fostering our relationship. It has nothing to do with you know some other person that's out there and I just wanna get away from you. You know what I mean, like it's having similarity, but separately.
Terrance:I get what you're saying. Whatever you choose to do, as long as it's for you, it's fine. I think when we start talking about, you know that open communication and strategies to start dealing with those individuals who might be insecure or who might have an issue with.
Sandy:Well, that's what I mean. If Mike, to his point I think that was a good thing Was like hey, maybe you should try running because, like experience, this you know you don't have to do it with me 100% of the time, but maybe you can also foster your own separate group that you can develop that type of relationship with yeah, you can try that, and if that doesn't work, I think having a conversation about each other's needs then comes up right, because you have to be able to say, okay, well, I need this, and here's why Now everyone has their own individual needs.
Terrance:The problem comes in when one person believes that their needs are greater than the other person's and there's no room for compromise. So having that conversation about each other's needs is important. Then, after you have that conversation about the needs, you gotta set the expectations right, and so, regardless of when you're gonna have that me time or how often, at what interval, you got to set those expectations. And by setting those expectations and having the conversation about those needs, now what you're doing is you're laying out, okay, well, the map. This is why I need to do this, this is when I'm going to, this is what I'm actually doing.
Sandy:Right, and it's not dropping it on them at like at the last minute, like, oh well, I wanted to make these plans, like you and I, we had it to where Saturday mornings was my time, sunday mornings was your time, I knew, and not to schedule things on Sunday mornings with you, but so we would. I'd schedule something in the afternoon, you know, early evening, right, like, and I just knew because that was your time. So why? Why would I expect you to give up something Just because I personally want to schedule?
Terrance:and I know you didn't expect that, cuz you know my answer Sunday is Monday.
Sandy:Sorry, no, but I mean to your point, I having those expectations, you know, and it's not like you know, you come in and be being like, oh you know what, this Sunday afternoon I'm, I'm out.
Terrance:And it's.
Sandy:Saturday and I'm like but but that's the thing.
Terrance:Once you set that expectation, then you start working on boundaries and routines, right and so you know, if I said, all right, listen, every Sunday I'm gonna be gone from eight in the morning till eight at night. That's a long run.
Sandy:I mean well, I didn't say I was gonna be running.
Terrance:I just said. I just said I'm gonna be gone, it's me time.
Sandy:Yeah.
Terrance:I think that you know, that's where you know okay. Well, you got a, you got a set of boundary. Mm-hmm and the routine part is again, you know, we have the routine, like when I, when I come home, you know my routine. It may even walking, depending on how cold it is, but even walking, jax, when I get home, that's me time.
Terrance:Yeah take them out. I've gotten home from work, take them out. Get that little loop in. It's part of the routine and that gives me the opportunity Although it doesn't come up if I need to start thinking about something or getting something off you know my chest, that's time to do it. I tell you I get a lot of me time again. I get up at four in the morning.
Terrance:Yeah if I'm not on the bike or if I'm not learning a language. You know I'm doing one of those things. But then I go into the office. I get into the office at 6 30. The next person doesn't come in till 7, 15, 7, 30. Yeah.
Terrance:I have all that time for me now. Many times I'm doing work, whether it's work for the office or work for all of this, but it's still. It's me time. It's that quiet time, so yeah you know, that's part of that's part of my routine and, again, from a boundary perspective, I don't come home and say, hey, listen, I'm not you. I need time until eight o'clock. You know what I mean.
Sandy:No, but it does make me think about I don't know people who I would talk to about running. They're like ah, I hate it. You know I hate running alone this and that, and I said Sounds like you're doing it wrong. I said that's me time, what I'm running. I don't run with music, it's just me.
Terrance:Everybody's time oh different. It's not any time. It's me time.
Sandy:I'm like why wouldn't you want like that time alone, like you don't have any distractions, there's nobody else, you're just out there and you're also in enjoying some cardio and making yourself healthy at the same time?
Terrance:I think you need to look at it from the perspective of Me time to some people, to just sitting down and just watching TV.
Terrance:Sitting down and every. You know it's different, it's different from everyone and it just for us. It's just coincidence that some of the things that we do are similar. Mm-hmm, that's all it is. But Back to back to strategies. You know, I think it's important. Not only you know we talked about. You know setting expectations, routines and boundaries, but you have to continue to nurture the connection that you have with your partner. It's not something that.
Sandy:Right? Well, you can't just say, oh, I need all this me time, but we're not spending any time together either.
Terrance:No, well, you know, and and again you got to look at it. You have to invest time in your relationship. Yeah otherwise If, if it's all me time, then you don't need to be in the relationship. You know what I mean. But you have to continue to nurture that, that connection, and in a big part of that is regular communication. And Regular communication unfortunately or fortunately, depending on who you are comes in many, many forms. You know a lot of people communicate now through text, although I think that's a bit impersonal.
Terrance:But yeah you have so many different ways to actually communicate and Nobody well, I was gonna say nobody uses the phone anymore. Some people still use the phone, although it may be a cell phone, but still I, you know, I think the number of people who are actually engaging in voice calls is drastically Dropping as well. But again, to nurture that connection, you got to have that regular communication. You can't be in a situation where you know let's say me time, you, your time is just for an hour a day.
Terrance:Yeah and then you don't speak the rest of the day. Well, it's not as though all your time is, you know, you're using for yourself, but at the same time, that time that's actually there, you're not investing in that relationship or communicating with that other individual, and that can cause a problem.
Sandy:Yeah, because my perspective was thinking more along the lines of quality time. Yeah, well you're going for your meantime, and then all we're doing is sitting at home and watching TV every night, like yeah, you got to find the opportunity a spice to like you got to find it. Well, I'm not gonna call it spice you you buy, you got to find the opportunity to engage in some shared activities.
Terrance:So Again, regardless of what it is, you know it's not gonna be running for some people, but yeah you do have to spend time With that person other than sitting in the same room With both of you being on your actual phones correct.
Sandy:The perspective of the running comment wasn't specifically about Running, it was more about just go walking, do anything, but at least take the time, yeah, for yourself. Like you, you can Be by yourself. You don't have to do something with everybody Like, yeah, okay.
Terrance:I think you know people need to understand that. You know Space in a relationship is essential for growth. I mean, it's essential for self-care, it's essential for maintaining your individual identity. But at the same time, you know you need to make sure that when you start talking about being in a relationship with someone, you know that level of mutual respect is there, that level of effective communication is there. Regardless, you have to continue to nurture that connection. So when you start talking about navigating that relationship or dealing with challenges in that relationship, that Foundation is there. You know when, when you look at balancing togetherness with independence, if you can do that, then from a From the perspective of having a healthy and fulfilling partnership, that's something that you can have. That's going to stay in the test of time.
Terrance:Now let's talk about what I had to reflect on this week. As we talk about me versus we time. You can't measure how close two people are based on their proximity. Sometimes, through trust and the ability to allow each other space, that connection can grow stronger. That's it for this episode of the lunch with Sandy podcast. Thank you for joining us. Please remember to leave feedback and follow on your favorite podcasting app until next time, stay well.
Announcer:That's it for this week's episode of the lunch with Sandy podcast. Thanks for listening. We'd love to hear your feedback and comments on Instagram, tiktok and Twitter at lunch with Sandy, and be sure to follow us on your favorite podcast app. If you enjoyed the show, don't forget to rate and review us. Thanks again for listening to the lunch with Sandy podcast.
