Lunch With Sandy
Welcome to the "Lunch With Sandy" podcast, where we serve up candid conversations seasoned with humor and insight. Join us as we delve into much-needed discussions, sprinkled with our unique sense of humor. On the menu, you'll find a variety of topics, from conflict resolution to navigating tricky questions with grace. We also explore current events, sharing our perspectives on the everyday trials and triumphs. So pull up a chair, grab a plate, and enjoy the feast of conversation.
Lunch With Sandy
Relationship Agreements
Have you ever considered that a splash of contractual wisdom could be the secret ingredient to a harmonious relationship? We certainly think so. Join us as we unravel the intricate weave of relationship agreements, discussing how setting clear expectations can prevent those pesky misunderstandings that even the strongest couples encounter. Just like the precision of a well-tailored suit, our rapport will show you how agreements in romance can be tailored to fit perfectly around the nuances of your unique partnership.
Living together is an art form, and this episode paints a vivid picture of the dance that is cohabitation. We candidly share our experiences with setting household rules that cater to both the early birds and night owls among us. Our laughter-filled banter leads us through the minefields of 'safe spaces,' in-house noise ordinances, and the culinary choreography that keeps our homes in balance. By the end of our discussion, you'll be well-versed in the delicate negotiation tactics that ensure peace reigns in shared spaces.
To top it off, we tackle the hilariously relatable concept of "shopping immunity." Ever been caught between respecting your partner's snack stash and the siren call of those forbidden treats? We've been there, and we're letting you in on how to navigate these treacherous waters. As we wrap up another entertaining Lunch with Sandy podcast, we invite you to weigh in and connect with us online. It's your stories, reactions, and insights that add that special seasoning to our community, and we can't wait for a second helping of your thoughts in our next episode!
In a relationship, when is honesty not the best policy? How do you balance what you want versus what you need, and is there something you need to say to your spouse but can't find the right way to say it? If so, then you're in the right place. This is the Lunch with Sandy podcast. With nearly 20 years of marriage under their belts, Terrance and Sandy Jackson discuss a range of topics, provide valuable insights on relationships and talk about the conversations married couples need to have. So what does lunch have to do with all of this? Well, it's a metaphor for how these conversations originally started. Speaking of conversations, let's get one going. Here's your hosts, Terrance and Sandy.
Terrance:Welcome to another episode of the Lunch with Sandy podcast, where we delve into different topics and offer perspective from two people who've been married for a very, very long time. I'm Terrance.
Sandy:And I'm Sandy.
Terrance:And today I want to introduce the concept of the relationship agreement. But before we get into that, please remember to follow on your favorite podcasting app. You can also follow us on all social media at lunch with Sandy. Speaking of Sandy, how are you doing today?
Sandy:I'm well and I'm tired of this cold weather.
Terrance:now, that was almost a two word answer.
Sandy:Almost. It was more than a two word. I am ready to be a bird and fly south.
Terrance:Well, I've never had the desire to be a bird, so I'm not sure about flying south. I do understand that the weather might be a little better down south, but there's listen, there's pros to cons to everything, and keep this in mind. I'm going to try to say his name, but we're going to probably get it wrong. Poxatani Phil came out yesterday and didn't see a shadow, so spring is right around the corner.
Sandy:Yeah Well, even Ayla today said she couldn't wait to start wearing shorts again.
Terrance:Listen, as cold as it is outside. This kid is walking around with no jacket and I say to her why don't you have a jacket on? Oh, it was, it was cold. But then I started running around and got warm. So she's out there with just a t-shirt, two t-shirts, a short sleeve and a long sleeve. That ain't cut.
Sandy:Well, it's funny because I also feel like during the summer she doesn't always wear a lot of short shirts. She doesn't she doesn't.
Terrance:I mean her. Her wardrobe is pretty standard. She doesn't she doesn't deviate too much away from her wardrobe.
Sandy:No, and see there in this yeah, she has black leggings, pajama pants, although she is dab dabbling into sweatpants.
Terrance:And speaking of wardrobe, so I stopped by that clothing store today that's down on South Main Street and I went in. And they do have some, they have some nice clothes there, but I didn't have my glasses on and so I couldn't see the price tag.
Terrance:They had some nice sweaters there but there was a salesman who was sitting to, who was sitting and talking to two people who they were on the couch, like a little little couch area there, and I believe they were talking about custom making actual suits and he was like oh, you send me the information that you look for this, that and the other, and he's it's roughly about $3,500. And I was like I don't know if I would pay $3,500 for one suit, but it did have some nice clothes. I didn't get a chance to go through and look at everything. They particularly had some nice vests. They did have some nice shoes. He saw my table and he was like kind of shoes that owes. And I told him he says I'd never seen him with, you know the gold tips on them, like, yeah, they nice. So I found out they're opposite hours of operation and I'm probably going to go back there open Tuesdays to Fridays, 10 to six, and Saturdays I can't remember what he said, but they're open on Saturdays also. So Monday and Sunday they're not open.
Sandy:Gotcha. So it's funny because I was just thinking about obviously I miss my dad you know, but at the same time I'm like dang it. I really miss having a tailor in the family. Yeah, you take so much for granted.
Terrance:Yeah, now you might not, we weren't getting custom made suits, but we were getting suits.
Sandy:We could have, I guess, if we really had wanted to.
Terrance:but I mean, but we I mean the cost on those suits. You couldn't beat that price, just couldn't beat that price. So earlier, before I went to the clothing store, actually, I had a meeting with the cycling group and there are a couple of things that we had to talk about, and one of the things that was on the agenda was liability insurance, and we started talking about okay, well, we have to figure out what some of the terms are going to be and what the agreement is going to be, and then I started thinking about it. You know, there's so many things that we do in our lives that that could use an agreement.
Terrance:Well, that you have to sign an agreement for yeah, you think about it by a house. Sign an agreement, a regular insurance policy. You sign an agreement credit cards Marriage certificate.
Sandy:It's technically an agreement.
Terrance:Well, that technically is not an agreement.
Sandy:So there's just. It should come with your own rules and regulations.
Terrance:But when you think about it, the purpose of these agreements are to dictate. You know the terms that each party has to adhere to, and so then it hit me, I believe that for every relationship, you should have a relationship agreement.
Sandy:I feel like it definitely makes things easier. Just get all the stuff off the out of the way upfront, and then there won't be any miscommunication or, you know, expectations not being spoken about.
Terrance:I think that's 100% the case.
Terrance:I think the biggest challenge is people getting over the initial shock of someone saying listen, I think we need to have an agreement to set the terms of this relationship Because, when you think about it, that is a very business practice and you don't want to be in a situation where, well, I can see how someone can be a bit apprehensive to getting involved with someone who's looking at their relationship from a business perspective. But, again, as you said earlier, when you can set those expectations, define the terms, I think in the long run everyone is happier.
Sandy:Yeah and um, no-transcript. I would highly recommend it for any two people who are getting ready to move into one another With one another, like it is, you know, just part of figuring things out. And then you can even put in clauses Like if you don't do this as part of the relationship agreement and you're not adhering to it, then you owe me a nightly massage.
Terrance:Yeah, well listen, I'm gonna tell you what I would have in my relationship agreement and I'm gonna break it down into categories. And it's interesting that you said that, because I do think that there are some clauses that may null and void the actual, not just the agreement. It could possibly null and void the actual relationship itself.
Sandy:Yeah, but we're gonna try to stay positive. Today Sandy's not gonna go down that dock road.
Terrance:We'll see how long that. Sandy's able to do that. We'll see All right. So again, you know how I like to break it. I like to break things down into categories and most agreements right.
Terrance:They're different sections and so if I'm gonna come up with a relationship agreement, there are certain things that I have to cover, that I attribute to, or I would like to call the basics Okay, and those are the things that you know. You gotta have something to lay the foundation for the actual agreement and there are a few things that I would put in. When I'm talking about the actual basics and seeing that you were just discussing something with Jack's over there, I think one of the things that I would include in the basics of any relationship agreement is the pet clause. And now let me explain to you what I mean when I say the pet clause.
Sandy:Okay.
Terrance:A lot of times two people come together and they have this wonderful relationship that they're building and they decide they wanna add to the relationship, but they're not ready to add children, so they get a pet.
Sandy:Yeah.
Terrance:Right Now, as you go through your journey with your partner and your pet, you can become very attached to said pet, okay, and the pet can become very attached to you, more so to one than the other. Something goes wrong.
Sandy:Yep.
Terrance:Who gets the pet?
Sandy:It's a tough one.
Terrance:Not if you put it in the actual relationship agreement.
Sandy:I'm trying to just think for us right now, we're not talking about us right now because technically we didn't have this agreement.
Terrance:But I would have a pet clause that dictates what happens with the pet should someone break the agreement, and our relationship has to be null and void. That way there's no fighting. The pet doesn't see the negative energy between the two of you because you can determine who has it full-time, part-time, nights and weekends. However, you wanna actually slice the dice Colpet parenting. Yeah, but depending on who the person is, you may need to add into that pet clause.
Sandy:If that person is not a good pet parent.
Terrance:You get full custody of that pet and you determine the visitation rights. It sounds silly but again, sometimes you have to play the long game and think long-term and think about what's best and think about what's best for the pet.
Sandy:Well see, I feel like you set me up for failure.
Terrance:How am I set you up for failure?
Sandy:See, he's gonna go down the dark road. You don't have to, you don't have to. This is your choice. Yeah, but I'm still gonna say it. Yeah, cause people can be also really manipulative, right? And if the relationship falls apart and one person wants to really really get back at the other one, that is definitely a way to do it Exactly. Stop taking the dog.
Terrance:And now listen, you don't wanna have to start thinking about whether or not someone's gonna be manipulative when it comes to a situation like that, but when you start working out worst case scenarios and this is why I think that some people may be apprehensive, because now they think, well, you're viewing me in the light that I would never put myself in, but you never know- yeah right, people might see it almost like a pre-numptual agreement.
Sandy:Well, you know what? And the thing about it is.
Terrance:when I started thinking about this, the first thing that popped in my mind was you know what, when you start thinking about two people getting married and whether or not someone should have a pre-numptual agreement, that causes a lot of friction. But I said okay, well, before people get married, they're in a relationship and now, if you can come up with a relationship agreement, you might not need a pre-numptual agreement, because now that relationship agreement can carry over, based off how you write it.
Sandy:Yeah, yeah, like hey, we have this relationship agreement. It's not an olive voodoo now that we're getting married.
Terrance:Exactly, you signed on the dotted line.
Sandy:So I think one interesting one which I think we would both have would be the bedtime stipulation. Well, yeah, now see here's the thing, especially when we're on different bedtime schedule.
Terrance:Well, so when I talk about the basics and I think about bedtime, I don't know if we're thinking about the same thing, because my rules for bedtime are very simple, and you know that. Don't try to talk to me and ask questions when it's time for me to go to bed. It has nothing to do with when I go to bed. When I go to bed, my mind, I prep, I get in that bed, it starts to shut down, don't? And you do this all the time. Well, you've been very good at it lately, but you know, every time you slip up, don't start asking me questions that require me to put thought or answer something when I'm in bed.
Sandy:Well, I wasn't even thinking about that. I was thinking even, maybe, like bedtime, like routine, is TV allowed during bedtime? You know, for me it's easy to fall asleep to the TV, but other people might not be, you know. So, and this also kind of goes into bedtime, but more awake time, because you know, for me the bedtime yeah well, for me the bedtime clause is you don't like to be spoken to at night. I normally don't like to be spoken to first thing in the morning. It's like my brain just doesn't wanna do anything. So along with that, there should be also a noise ordinance.
Terrance:That's not a bad idea. Now, see, here's the thing now, when two things. One again this is why I said I think your bedtime be different with mine. But second, when you start talking about the noise ordinance piece, you have to I'm trying not to bleed into other portions of this, but I'm going to in order for the Nord's the noise ordinance piece to be followed, there has to be I'll call them, safe spaces that can note that under no circumstances Can be come part of the whole eminent domain. There's no space that the government and when I say government I mean those people who are putting the ordinances in place can now say that space is for this. Because think about it from this perspective you don't like people talking to you first thing in the morning and you Win in that situation. Because I get up so early in the morning, You're not awake.
Sandy:Yeah, except when I get up before you leave the house.
Terrance:But that's well, listen, if you don't get up before I leave the house, then you ain't got a job and you ain't got nothing to do. That's because I don't leave the house until after six and if you have to be the work for 830, we got a daughter who has to be out of the house for 730. You cutting it kind of close if you wait too long because now you got to work with Dealing with a teenager who may or may not be in the mood to get ready working from home.
Sandy:It's fine, but you're right though, you do wake up super early, so hence the noise ordinance for me is first thing in the morning. Yes, no, I get that, I'm allowed to make noise in this house before specific no, not in the house.
Terrance:That's ridiculous. This you can't say in the house. When you start talking about the noise ordinance you should be talking about and the only thing that I will give you is in and surrounding the room. I don't get ready in the room. I don't shower on that level. I'm all down here.
Sandy:Yeah, but I don't know the noise carries more in this house.
Terrance:You don't not hear me in the morning when I'm in the shower.
Sandy:No, not in the shower, but I do hear you often times down here. The only reason why down down here.
Terrance:Only reason why you hear me is because of Jax, and I'll tell you what I mean. Most of the time you're sound sleep when I get out of bed, but then he gets out of the bed, and when he gets out of the bed he moves you, and then you turn. And now not necessarily.
Sandy:I hear you walking around on the first floor.
Terrance:So listen, if You're gonna try to say a noise ordinance is going to restrict me from walking around, you're not gonna, you're not gonna get by it from that, because if you hear me walking, Honestly, during the week it's not that big of a deal.
Sandy:It's more of the weekend.
Terrance:You don't hear me walking during the weekend, cuz I'm down here.
Sandy:Yeah Well, sometimes you decide to get started early, whatever it is that you're gonna do for the day, because you are up so early. I get it, but at the same time, don't wake me up.
Terrance:Listen, I'm gonna blow holes in what you just said. When I get started or what I'm doing on the weekend, typically it's training, which is down here on the other side.
Sandy:There's been times where I don't make. I hear you at like seven in the morning seven in the morning.
Terrance:Let me tell you something first off, noise ordinance do not exist, no no, you can cut your grass at seven in the morning in this town. No you know well, yes, you can.
Terrance:Noise ordinance does not extend past six, fifty nine in the morning and it does not include the ability to walk around the house. I'm not going to stay on noise ordinance anymore because I want to move into that whole aspect of if, if you, if you want to have a noise ordinance, then I have to invoke sanctuary, and Sanctuary are places that once I deem them as my sanctuary there are limits for you to use for whatever purposes you think they should be used for.
Sandy:So you're just gonna start taking parts of the house? What about my parts of the house?
Terrance:You got listen, give me the kitchen either.
Sandy:I don't want the.
Terrance:I didn't give you the kitchen, but you have the entirety of the bedroom and the bathroom up there, do you not? Yes, you have the entire closet.
Sandy:You sleep in the bedroom too, hey listen. Hey.
Terrance:Sleep is not, sleep does not count. I listen, I can sleep somewhere else. Matter of fact, maybe that's what I do. Maybe I'll make somewhere else sanctuary. You got to be careful what you say now.
Sandy:I mean it's, it's not in, it's not just my space.
Terrance:Listen, if you're going to invoke a noise ordinance, then there are certain areas that will be Deemed as my sanctuary, so I can get ready and do the stuff that I need to do without Disturbing or breaking your noise ordinance. That's the way it works.
Sandy:Which is, like I said, during the work week, it's not that big deal, no, no does bring the thing. That does bring up part of you said like the bathroom too that I have the bathroom, but honestly I rather you have the bath no stairs, listen.
Terrance:No.
Sandy:No.
Terrance:It's not about what you rather have the bathroom on the floor.
Sandy:First floor should be eminent domain. It should be for public use only let me tell you something.
Terrance:Nothing in this house is for public use. Only no one outside of this house pays for this mortgage. They are, as the term says, ass out no eminent domain. On my sanctuary. That bathroom sanctuary Discussion doesn't make it well. First off you say everybody else like there's a thousand people in there.
Sandy:We have any company and what happens it gets cleaned after.
Terrance:I always clean that bathroom before the people. Those people come over here.
Sandy:But if we have unexpected guests, you're not going around cleaning the bathroom every day.
Terrance:They can go pee outside People coming over like people come over all the time which they don't as a reason to say, okay, well, you shouldn't have access to this, to that bathroom. I Contribute to the mortgage, not them. No one is going to have rights to anything before I have rights to. So that's what it is messy spaces my bathroom is not that messy if aila wasn't in there.
Sandy:The issue, then to kick her out so Listen.
Terrance:So sanctuary, when you start talking about these agreements, you need to be able to invoke sanctuary for particular places, particularly if someone has a noise ordinance that they're trying to actually enforce, sandy. Now here's another thing that I have to have part of the basics, and this is the whole Sharing thing, and let me explain to you what I mean by sharing. If I open a beer, it's mine. What makes you think you should have an entitlement to the first set? No, as part of the agreement. If you would like a sip of beer, you should open your own and take a sip.
Sandy:But what if you only want a sip and you don't want a whole?
Terrance:that sounds like a you problem and not a me problem. This, what we're doing right now, is we're working. We're working out these, the basics of what would be part of my relationship agreement.
Sandy:Okay, you don't want to give me the first sip of beer anymore.
Terrance:It's mine. Why should you enjoy that first sip?
Sandy:I'll take the second sip. How's that?
Terrance:No, you should get your own. Okay, you should get your own.
Sandy:Usually I don't like drinking a whole beer, I just want a little bit.
Terrance:Then what you should do is you open up a beer. Uh-huh you pour a little in the cup, you drink it, and when you want more, you go back to that stale beer that you opened and didn't finish.
Sandy:That's just gross. Hey, I'm just being gross. I'm not being gross.
Terrance:The person who's not finishing a beer is being abusive to the beer and being gross Don't. I'm not gonna use the term alcohol abuse, but I'm gonna use the term alcohol abuse. That's alcohol abuse opening up that beer, not finishing it.
Sandy:So what? Not necessarily to share or not to share, but it is in a way. But it's more about sharing Sharing meal responsibilities. That's, I am, my relationship agreement who's cooking and when? I?
Terrance:Got no problem with that If you're talking about who's cooking and when. Now, when you talk about sharing meal responsibilities, everyone's schedule is different.
Sandy:Yeah.
Terrance:So, as part of that, the responsibility of you getting off work and leaving on time so meals can be prepped in the time that fits for everyone's schedule, that's gonna be part of my agreement. How about them apples?
Sandy:and dishes. Meals and dishes that's always the biggest thing. I feel like I spend too much time in the kitchen.
Announcer:I do dishes.
Sandy:I know you do dishes.
Terrance:I didn't say you don't, you said you spend too much time in the kitchen and you said you don't want me to give you the kitchen. I didn't give you the kitchen. Why you spend so much time in there? Maybe that's why nobody else goes in there, because why?
Announcer:you being in the kitchen.
Terrance:You're giving off the impression that you're enforcing eminent domain and you have the kitchen. And let me ask you this is it true or not true? In the kitchen, you want things where you want them. True there you go, and so everyone feels that it's off-limits, because the kitchen is your eminent domain.
Sandy:That is not true.
Terrance:I'm just listen, I'm just telling you how people might feel.
Sandy:I'm saying let's, let's up the amount of days of cooking that I don't cook. You ain't got a cook every day. I keep telling you that I know, but I want people to cook for me too.
Terrance:All right, listen, you want people to cook for you. I'm gonna tell you what's gonna help that out when the summertime comes around, we're gonna have to get a I forgot what it is called already. Yeah, the grill. That has a good look. See, here's the thing. What you're not realizing is this you like shrimp, right? You like tacos, you like. There's so many things you can make right on the actual Grittle that you just pop it open. You make it all at once and it's done, it's nice and it's easy.
Sandy:Yeah, I just don't want to just not get used.
Terrance:What's gonna, which I mean wouldn't get used.
Sandy:We bought that that's different, see hot and that never gets used.
Terrance:Well, listen, first off the insta pot there was. We know there's a couple of recalls on the insta pot, so don't bring up the insta pot. I thought you can talk about the other thing, the the thing for the brio you got to keep in mind, because with that you have to have, you have to build a fire before you can actually do that.
Sandy:I know I wasn't even gonna bring that up, although I would like more use of our pizza oven. You should do that more often.
Terrance:How about you do it more often?
Sandy:No, I like when you're, you know all right, there you go. So just do it more often listen.
Terrance:We're not gonna. This is. This is why we don't have an agreement, because you're not being Realistic, what you're wants here.
Sandy:That's not true. I want a pizza once a week.
Terrance:During the summer, and this one out of spring summer, we tend to have pizza once a week we do, but I want them in the winter too.
Sandy:No, that's not, I don't need them once a week.
Terrance:And if you want pizza in the winter, if you want pizza in the winter once a month, get out there and make it or order.
Sandy:That's the only way you're gonna get pizza that now listen.
Terrance:Now we're getting sidetracked, so I'm gonna get to make me think of another one what financial stuff, like who does what?
Sandy:that's a good one and do we? Is there like Do you? Well, for starters, do you have separate accounts? Do you have joint accounts?
Terrance:We're not getting into that that's.
Sandy:But what like what's you know? Is there like a dollar threshold that must require a pre authorization?
Terrance:Well, I think you got to look at you got to look at the relationship from the perspective of where you are. You might not be far enough down the line where you're talking about having you know one account and, yeah, who's responsible for all those things, so you can talk about how who's gonna handle what from the perspective of particularly if you're living together. But I think the some of that stuff depends on how far down the line you are.
Terrance:Yeah, I agree so Now I talked about I talked about the basics, and, and now I'm gonna talk about a category that I Labeled immunity, and let me explain to you what I mean by immunity. There's gonna be certain things that are going to be in this relationship agreement that make me immune, me well, that provides me with immunity from certain tasks.
Sandy:You want immunity from certain tasks.
Terrance:Yep, and I'll give you some of those tasks. Okay there are certain movies that I do not want to participate in watching and that needs to be defined. The type of movies should be defined in that relationship agreement.
Sandy:So basically any.
Terrance:I don't do rom-coms. Yeah out of the question. Just don't do them. I don't do them, won't do them, will never do them. It's a very, very rare situation where I do that. I also don't like to watch something based off recommended recommendations from people who I Don't really know.
Sandy:Okay.
Terrance:Part of that is because if you don't know them, their recommendations Can really suck. Yeah, because if you don't know them, how do you know if you have anything in common with them?
Sandy:Hmm I.
Terrance:Like to be able to look at something and say, yeah, that's something I'll watch, and then watch it, or nah, I'm just not interested unless it's a robcom and here's the other thing about that we don't always have to watch the same thing. I should be. I should have a certain level of immunity From watching certain things that I don't want to watch you do.
Terrance:I know I do. I'm talking about the agreement. Okay, I'm talking about the agreement. You got to stay focused on what we're talking about here. We're talking about a relationship agreement, not about what I Can or can't do. Gotcha you with me, I'm with you.
Terrance:All right. Another area where I think should be in a relationship agreement if it would be in mind for area of immunity is Shopping. And I'm not talking about food shopping. I'm talking about I don't want to go to the mall with you. I don't want to. And let me rephrase that If you're not a targeted shopper, uh-uh, if you can't focus and make decisions, I'm out. I'm not shopping with you, I don't want to shop either.
Sandy:How are we gonna get the house shopping done?
Terrance:Well, you just see, you're skipping over exactly what I just said. I said I'm not talking about food shopping and stuff like that. You completely missed that.
Sandy:No, you said not a targeted shopper, but you don't have to be a targeted to shopper and to for food department store.
Terrance:I'm not talking about food, and that's the. I'm talking about big box stores. You're not, so you're missing what I'm saying.
Sandy:I want immunity from all of that.
Terrance:You're missing what I'm saying.
Sandy:I know I get what you're saying. I'm changing it. I just don't want to shop. Don't shop.
Terrance:We'll be all right. We'll be all right. I got no problem going to stop and shop. Uh-huh, I'm not going to the mall with you, I'm not going to the stores that are in there, I'm none of that stuff. Because if you are not a targeted shopper and you can't make a decision, you're gonna be sitting in there walking around forever In there, done that, not doing it anymore.
Sandy:Yeah, well, that's. That's one of the worst I just like. The most, I should say, is clothes shopping.
Terrance:I think, what you don't know, what you want.
Sandy:You're going clothes shopping to figure out what you want, and it's just a torturous process.
Terrance:I think clothes shopping is about knowing yourself, and here's what I mean. When you know yourself, you go in, you look at something. Yeah, they ain't gonna be for me.
Sandy:No, my problem is then when I go try it on. Doesn't look great, yeah, well, you know it's a very deflating experience for me.
Terrance:And I should be one thing I just like the most and that's why I feel I should be immune from shopping with anyone.
Sandy:That's why I should have custom mail, or I mean custom mail. Clothes and suits, so I'm gonna start spending like 3,500 on my clothes.
Terrance:Listen, that fine clothes place I went to today, man, it was, it was legit, it was legit. Another area that I would add into the relationship agreement in the sense of immunity is laundry and that's not saying I Don't want to do laundry because we know I do all my own laundry. However, I Think that there should be some level of immunity between two individuals when you start talking about laundry, because people do things different ways and sometimes People may try to Launder your clothes and they ruin them.
Sandy:So wouldn't that just be? The agreement is each for their own. You do laundry, I do mine.
Terrance:That immunity from having to participate in the communal laundry experience. That is what's going in my relationship agreement when I do one. That's exactly the way it's gonna be worded. What that means is you do yours, I do mine, the way I say. It just comes across much better no communal laundry experience or responsibilities.
Terrance:Okay, period period yeah you know the other thing that Really really I would have to stick to when I talk about Immunity in the relationship agreement. There are certain people that I don't want to have to interact with or be a part of, and so I'd like to be able to invoke immunity based on who the person is that you're bringing around.
Sandy:That's funny. I feel like that should even go into the holistic, the basics relationship agreement. It's how social are we Like? How often do we have something in our house? Basically, well.
Terrance:So you know what? Now we can go back and put that in the basics because, again, that when I think there's a difference between that, how social we are, and they're gonna be certain people who I want to be immune from having an interaction with, regardless of whether or not we're having a social event here or whatever, we can be out Anywhere and you run into somebody whoop immunity invoke, hit the button and I just poof, vanish away.
Sandy:What if they come to the house? Are you just poof?
Terrance:sanctuary, sanctuary, sanctuary, sanctuary. Two words sanctuary and territory. There's my sanctuary, and then is my territory.
Sandy:Mm-hmm territory.
Terrance:If you cross into my territory, whatever happens to you happens to you. Sanctuary You're not allowed. See the territory. I may allow you and other people to come into the territory, but they may be consequences and repercussions. Sanctuary not allowed, oh goodness. These are the things that you have to consider when you talk about the relationship agreement. So we know the terms that each party has to adhere to.
Sandy:I had a real hard time trying to figure out an immunity, but at some point I'll think of one.
Terrance:That's the beauty about the relationship agreement. In the relationship agreement you can define if and when the terms can be adjusted. See, it's not about just saying you can't do this, you can't do that. It's a process where you communicate and you come up with these agreements. Now, some are just steadfast and can't be broken. Some might have some flexibility, but that has to be defined within the terms of the actual relationship agreement.
Terrance:There is one last section that I would have to make sure that's included in any relationship agreement that I am a part of. That is that section that has all the non-negotiable stipulations. These are those things that will null and void the relationship, never mind the actual agreement. Non-negotiable stipulations. Any deviation from these are considered breach of contract, breach of rental agreement, relationship null and void. Let me tell you one of the things that need to be discussed when we start talking about these non-negotiable stipulations snacking. I'm going to tell you snacking. Listen, if I take the time to put a snack together for myself, don't go eat my snack. Now. I might give you one or two pieces of my snack, but when you take your hand and you do the scoop, you put it in a bowl and you do the scoop.
Terrance:I'm trying to think of when this recently occurred, because Listen your problem is you're only thinking about what may or may not have happened. We're talking about a relationship agreement and what I would actually have in the agreement. We don't have a relationship agreement.
Sandy:I know. So you've got to think about from this perspective. Yeah, I'm just thinking anything from the perspective of if we were to create one today, I don't know how this snacking would apply, but okay, all right. So it's kind of like share or not share. But you also don't want grubby hands in your bowl. I get it.
Terrance:It's not about the grubby hands. It's about, okay, you have the opportunity to go and actually make yourself a snack. It's not about sharing because this is my snack. It needs to be thought of. If you're going to go ahead and you're going to eat my snack, that might be non-negotiable, that might be breach contract, depending on what the snack is. It all depends on and I know you can look at it and say, well, the share or not share. When I was talking about the share or not share, I'm specifically talking about my beer that you always be trying to take a sip of.
Sandy:I do. But yeah, the non-negotiable would be a particular fine dessert that I like.
Terrance:I don't want nobody touching it. There's exactly so.
Announcer:When we talk about the considerations there are certain snacks.
Terrance:I don't care if you put your hand in there and have some, but then there are other ones. Nah, you got to go get your own. This is mine. I put a lot of time in preparing this, even if it's going upstairs, open up the package and then take it out of the package. There's a lot of time. My time is money. Don't do it. Another aspect of, or another thing that I would say is non-negotiable is rights to the remote control.
Sandy:I feel like that one's been in our relationships since day one.
Terrance:I've owned the remote control. Part of that is because if you aren't up to the technical specifications on what it takes to change and turn on, then you shouldn't have any rights to the remote control. You can't come into a room, take the remote control and try to change the channel or app, because now everything is streaming. Now that's non-negotiable. That might be cause for breach of the actual relationship agreement. The relationship may have to end after that, depending on what it is that's on the television.
Sandy:I don't know if it would be the non-negotiable items, but I think it would be important who drives how often when we're together.
Terrance:We may have to have that conversation. Well, I can fit that into my non-negotiable Long distance drives. It's non-negotiable I'm going to have to drive if your driving skills ain't up to par.
Sandy:What would we consider a long distance?
Terrance:Listen, anything over two hours, anything over two hours, is considered a long distance. I might be able to get away with three to four hours, depending on what the traffic is like and things like that. But if I got to grab the old Jesus handle every time you take a turn, or if I got to put my hands on the dashboard every time we come into a stoplight, I don't like putting my life in danger like that and that's a lot of stress.
Sandy:Along with the traveling one. I'm surprised if you wouldn't say this, but AIS like non-negotiable no because that doesn't apply just to who you're in a relationship with. We cannot ever be more than on a 10 minute delay going to any of those events.
Terrance:Well, that's the thing With AIS. It doesn't make a difference. If you're 10 minutes because that's going to be 10 minutes you're going to have to catch up to the car. Ais means ass in seat, and if you're not in that seat, the car is pulling off and you're going to have to play catch up. The thing about that, too, is, I mean, there's more than one vehicle, so you can always get in another vehicle and make your way to wherever it is that the destination is.
Sandy:So one I think that we would agree on is smoking. I don't like it. I don't like the smell of it, I don't want it in my house. That would be.
Terrance:Smoking is definitely non-negotiable. Listen, first off, there is no relationship agreement if you smoke, because there's no relationship. From my perspective, if you smoke, there ain't no relationship.
Sandy:All right. So if I want to casually end a relationship, I'm going to do Start smoking Start smoking.
Terrance:Pick up a butt I'm out. That is one sure-fire way to end a relationship with me. Start smoking, I'm out. I love you, but I don't Not anymore.
Sandy:I love you, but not that. So you got to pick one or the other.
Terrance:Yeah, so when you start talking about all the things that you have to do in your life, all those major things, they all require some form of agreement. Again, like I said, you got to buy a house. There's a ton of agreements. You got to actually sign Credit card agreements, all of these things you have to sign.
Terrance:Everything has a term and a condition, An agreement yes, and these terms and conditions dictate what each party, what their responsibility is when it comes to that actual agreement. What I am saying is we should have a relationship agreement for every relationship that you end that you're in that dictates those terms, so you know which party is responsible for what and who gets what in the event that a situation arises. With that said, thank you for joining us on the Lunch with Sandy podcast. Please be sure to follow us and leave feedback on your favorite podcasting app. Until next time, stay well.
Announcer:That's it for this week's episode of the Lunch with Sandy podcast. Thanks for listening. We'd love to hear your feedback and comments on Instagram, tiktok and Twitter at Lunch with Sandy, and be sure to follow us on your favorite podcast app. If you enjoyed the show, don't forget to rate and review us. Thanks again for listening to the Lunch with Sandy podcast.
