Lunch With Sandy
Welcome to the "Lunch With Sandy" podcast, where we serve up candid conversations seasoned with humor and insight. Join us as we delve into much-needed discussions, sprinkled with our unique sense of humor. On the menu, you'll find a variety of topics, from conflict resolution to navigating tricky questions with grace. We also explore current events, sharing our perspectives on the everyday trials and triumphs. So pull up a chair, grab a plate, and enjoy the feast of conversation.
Lunch With Sandy
Pathways to Persuasion in Relationships
Ever wondered how you can get your partner to agree to your requests with grace and charm? Sandy and I, will unveil the secret sauce in the arena of relationship negotiations. We bring you another stirring episode of Lunch With Sandy, where we unmask the delicate balance between wants and needs, and uncover the hidden paths that lead to relational harmony. Drawing from nearly two decades of our marital journey, we meticulously dissect the art of decision-making and reveal when shying away from utter honesty can actually be beneficial.
We delve into the second half of our episode with a splash, exploring the art of agreement and persuasion. We touch on strategies like planting seeds and timing your requests - trust us when we say, timing can be everything. With an emphasis on trust, communication, and truly knowing your partner, we equip you with tools that can morph your relationship into a union that's both fulfilling and balanced. As we wind up, we invite you to connect with us on social media, leave feedback and rate our podcast. We can't wait to hear your thoughts!
In a relationship, when is honesty not the best policy? How do you balance what you want versus what you need, and is there something you need to say to your spouse but can't find the right way to say it? If so, then you're in the right place. This is the Lunch with Sandy podcast. With nearly 20 years of marriage under their belts, Terrance and Sandy Jackson discuss a range of topics, provide valuable insights on relationships and talk about the conversations married couples need to have. So what does lunch have to do with all of this? Well, it's a metaphor for how these conversations originally started. Speaking of conversations, let's get one going. Here's your hosts, Terrance and Sandy.
Terrance:Welcome to another episode of the Lunch with Sandy podcast, where we discuss different topics and give you perspective from two individuals who have been together for a very, very long time. I'm Terrance.
Sandy:And I'm Sandy.
Terrance:And today we're going to be having a conversation on ways you can get your partner to say yes to any requests that you have. But before we get into that, we're at that point of the episode where we have to find out the answer to that one burning question, and that is how are you today, Sandy?
Sandy:I'm cold.
Terrance:Well, when you try to save money by having the heat on 59 degrees, you tend to get a little cold. It's been cold down here.
Sandy:But it has not been no 59. 59, 60., 69, it's about the same.
Terrance:Yeah, listen, I don't know what you're thinking about over there, but it's been a little cold down here.
Sandy:Later, later.
Terrance:Well, no.
Sandy:Anyway.
Terrance:I'm a little unprepared for this episode today. Wow, you're slacking which doesn't happen often, and it's not so much that I'm unprepared, but I like to start every episode by shining the light on something, and today I was at a loss, partly because I've been doing all the heavy lifting and I've been debating on passing that over to you.
Sandy:It sounds like a disaster.
Terrance:It does sound like a disaster, so I didn't have anyone who I wanted to. You know what. I'm going to take a step back.
Sandy:I'm going to just say that I'm so bright. You didn't see anybody else to shine the light on?
Terrance:I'm going to shine the light on all the employees that work for the state of Rhode Island. Let me explain to you why I'm saying this. So you got some good news yesterday. Right, I'll fill you in. You finally received your citizenship.
Sandy:Oh, yes, yes.
Terrance:And so, in order for us to get our citizenship, there's documentation that we actually need to provide.
Terrance:Now, you guys can get that documentation from Rhode Island. I can't. I have to get it from Connecticut. So I reached out to Connecticut today in two ways. One I talked to Maureen. She has an associate down there who is the director of business services down there and she reached out to him and told him I had some questions. So she did the soft introduction. I reached out, I explained to him what I needed to have done and his reply back was what's that?
Terrance:No. His reply back was yeah, I've heard it at, I'm not really sure, or I think this is what you got to do and that was it. So then I proceeded to actually call the office, and I don't know how this is going to work out. Let's just put it that way. In Rhode Island the process is pretty straightforward. You know what I mean the documentation that you have to receive. You can get it authenticated rather easily.
Terrance:The two separate departments kind of work together In Connecticut. All he can tell me was I think this is how you do. And on top of that, when I called, I said OK, I said I need to get this document certified, but the document is from one agency and I needed to get it to your agency. And the woman said oh, I think that if you fill out the form, you can have them send it to us. And I said OK, I get that. I said, but how do I pay for it and how do I make sure it gets processed?
Terrance:She says well, there's a form on the website where you can actually print it out, put your information in and send it. You know what the form is. It is actually a credit card form where you put your credit card information on a piece of paper and then you put it in the mail, which is not something that anyone should be doing. So, as small as Rhode Island is when it comes to these things, we got that stuff down packed. We use the same agency as far as actually ordering it, which I just found out today and they will send it if you want to send it to the different agency. But because we're in Rhode Island, we don't have to worry about that. But anyway, shining the light on Employees at the state of Rhode Island Listen, don't be talking smack about them state workers. Some of them do what they're supposed to do now I don't talk smack.
Terrance:I digress now because that was that was a long-winded Shining the light on someone slash and actually now you know what's happening now that you turn the heat up. It's getting very hot in here and I got this hoodie, so I'm gonna have to do something about that, but anyway.
Sandy:Because you're all animated now.
Terrance:Yes, the heat might have something to do with it. On to today's special, one of the compromises that you actually make when you get involved with someone else is that the decisions that you make are not always your own, and that's not to say that you don't have input or the ability to make those decisions. Is it now some things that you want? You kind of have to get a an affirmative from your partner.
Sandy:Right, it's not necessarily an approval, it's just like hey, are we gonna have issues with each other if this, if I do this?
Terrance:Well, I mean.
Sandy:I mean you can.
Terrance:You can look at that if I went out, if I first off. Here's the thing, and I say this all the time If I'm serious about something, you never say no.
Sandy:Which is funny, cuz I feel like you always. That is true, that is true, this is this is this, this, this?
Terrance:I'm not. Denying, denying that, not denying that it's not everything, but anyway, because sometimes I have to take Because you think I'm financial portion of it and say, hey, listen, this doesn't make sense at the moment. But anyway, the point that I'm trying to make is sometimes you have to be able to make your case. Mm-hmm and if you want to get a yes, there are some tactics that you can use to sway Potentially sway your partner into saying yes.
Sandy:I'm looking forward to this conversation. Oh, yeah, yeah, yes. I will say this.
Terrance:You have to look at some of the places where I've worked and Over the years there have been techniques that I have used that have a high success rate when it comes to saying yes, I'm just gonna start saying on everything too now, so you, like you can I mean you can start saying no, but it's not always gonna work. So you ready for this?
Terrance:Yeah let me tell you one technique. Well, first, off side note, there is one technique that I've used in the past, that I don't have no time, but I just came to me. Do you remember, when I First I bought my first road bike, the conversation that we had before? No okay, so here's what I did. Okay.
Terrance:I talked to, I said I want to get a road bike, and you said well, how much are they? Then I proceeded to show you one of the most expensive roadbikes that there were, knowing full well that that wasn't the one that I intended on getting. Mm-hmm and you saw the price and you like, oh Jesus, that's a lot of money. And I said, yeah, well, well, this one here is only this. And sure enough, that was enough to get you to say yes yes to the road bike.
Sandy:Yes plus mine.
Terrance:Well, that came a year afterwards. That came a year afterwards, all right. So if you're in a situation Mm-hmm, and you want to ask your partner for something and you're, you're banking on or you would like that answer to be yes, there are some techniques that you can actually use well, that was a good one. That was a good one, that one let's go to like Bali.
Sandy:You don't like that idea.
Terrance:That was your argument. Let's go to Bali right cuz.
Sandy:Then you're gonna say it's too expensive and no, see now, see now, let's do a.
Terrance:Mediterranean cruise now that technique is not in there, but okay, if you read my notes, you're getting a little head.
Sandy:Yeah, sorry, mom, now that was your road bike example.
Terrance:No, that wasn't it. That wasn't an example, because what the road bike? What I did was I showed you a high-cost item that I know that I didn't want. You just said let's go to Bali. That was it. You didn't say anything else.
Terrance:So I used to work for enterprise rented car a long, long time ago, and their primary business was insurance replacement, and that's basically someone gets into an accident and so, while their cars in the shop, this car is replacing their car. Now, if you followed the whole idea, okay, well, they were in an accident. Regardless of whether or not they were fought, it was their fault, it was still an accident. So what they would do is they would sell this damage protection that would cover the vehicle. So if anything happened to that vehicle while you were driving it, it wouldn't go through your insurance company. Now, a lot of times, people didn't want to pay extra. So what happened was we started coming up with this technique where you Positively frame your questions leading up to the actual Question that you want to ask them, and what I mean by that is If you wanted to, I'm sure I'm gonna.
Terrance:I'm gonna look at my notes right here, right, because this is one of the examples that I had in here. Right, let's say, I know that you like to travel and I'll see this is where I said you would get ahead. So I'll ask you a question like this Well, you like to travel and it is known, it's a known fact, that Traveling, or vacation, vacationing, relieve stress. Would you agree with that? Mm-hmm, okay, so now, knowing you and knowing that that's one of the things that you actually believe, I would start off with something like this Do you think if we took more vacations, our life would be less stressful? No.
Terrance:See now.
Sandy:What you're, what you're, what you're purposely doing.
Terrance:Yes yes, right. So then I would say okay, can you see how? You know, if we had extra income, our life would be more enjoyable.
Terrance:Yes and then I would hit you with do you think it's a good idea if we begin to investigate ways to generate passive income so we can take advantage of those joys in life that are out there as opportunities? Sure boom. You see what I did there. What I did was I asked a series of questions that I knew that there was a high probability of. The answer that you were gonna give was going to be yes. So the technique, the way it works, is it's getting you to say yes, yes, yes, which makes it hard for you to say no. Mm-hmm, you follow what I'm saying. I do so from the perspective of your mind. You're thinking yes, yes, yes. Now that Technique doesn't work all the time. It doesn't work all the time working on me.
Terrance:I mean, I Know your tactics well, I see I don't even have to get to that one with you now you know because my first technique works all the time. So so, are there, are there any techniques? Why? Why you looking at me like that?
Sandy:Are there any techniques?
Terrance:are there any techniques that you use to get someone to Answer in the affirmative? I can't, oh goodness.
Sandy:I don't think so.
Terrance:I think a big part of it is.
Sandy:I don't think I have any specific techniques.
Terrance:Well, you bet Well. That's why I always say no.
Sandy:Well, you say no, just to say no, because you think I'm spoiled.
Terrance:Well, you are.
Sandy:But I get.
Terrance:And I will say I say no to the girls, just so they hear me. That was one of the things we used to say to them all the time and I say no, just so you know what no is.
Sandy:Right, exactly. So I can't really think of a situation in which, I don't know I guess you're right I am spoiled, I do get all the yeses.
Terrance:You see that.
Sandy:Yeah, I don't know.
Terrance:Well see, now we got to get you working on some of these Yep. So that's one. The bike example that I used is another, and you know, just to go back to that, it's one of those things where, first you, a big part of Getting your partner to say yes is actually knowing who they are.
Sandy:Well, actually I do have.
Terrance:That makes me think of one. All right, go ahead, lay it on me.
Sandy:So, even if I'm not expecting Well, I should say this does not apply to situations that I'm expecting an immediate yes to. Ok, now all the yeses don't have to be immediate, but no, exactly, I feel like I just need to like, plant the seed and say hey, what do you think about? X?
Terrance:The letter.
Sandy:Yeah, whatever Like. What do you think about buying a new house?
Terrance:You already know that.
Sandy:Listen no I know, and then your answer is like no, and then just let the seed germinate.
Terrance:But that seed don't germinate. I do think that that is actually a technique. I think you can plant the seed and and then you have to water it.
Sandy:Well, every now and then you get to come up with like a good Rationale on why a new house would be advantageous.
Terrance:Well, so there's two things that go with this. I do think that that's a technique to use. I don't think that's going to work when you're talking about a house.
Sandy:No, the house was just the best one.
Terrance:I think I think a big part of that is I think you really have to be in tune with who the person is you're actually speaking to. And when you plant that seed you got to make sure it's something that has the possibility of seeing the light of day at all. Right Cause, if you say, what do you think about buying a new house? That seed is never gonna grow. I don't care how much water you give it with me, that seed is not gonna grow. But again, you can drop hints and follow up those hints with little reminders or things like that. You know if you're looking for, I don't know.
Sandy:What if we downsize? It's not happening. Get off the house.
Terrance:I told you that's not gonna see the light. Let's say, for instance I'm gonna come up with a situation.
Terrance:Let's say for instance, Aileen wanted another dog, and the way that she not that she would ever get a yes, but the way that she approached it is she started leaving I don't know, pictures of puppies or sending you pictures of puppies on your phone, not saying anything. And then you come home and there's a stuffed animal, a stuffed animal dog, sitting on your bed and now you're thinking, oh, this picture's cute, this is cute, this is that. And then she takes you to the pet store and she's showing you always nice leashes and things like that. Those type of techniques start putting the idea in the back of your mind and maybe at some point you might come to a yes, that is a good technique. I think the subject matter and the person who you're dealing with plays a lot into that.
Terrance:The other part about getting someone or your partner to say yes timing If there's something that you wanna ask your partner and you want them to say yes to, you probably wanna pick it when you wanna pick your battle, or pick the time to ask that question when they're not in the middle of something that they do not like doing or something that's very frustrating. Or let's say, for instance, you just have an argument and then you say well, you know what? What do you think about me getting a new bike?
Sandy:Well, that, and I feel like we each have certain times of the day, that will not work for either one of us. Mine is first thing in the morning, yours is that night.
Terrance:Yeah, don't ask me anything at night. And here's the thing. Here's another reason why you get a lot of no's, because when I go to bed, you start talking to me and asking me questions, and the answer to those questions are always no. So then when I go to bed, well, when I go to bed, my mind is set to no mode, whereas it should be at a nice neutral state. So then, when I wake up in the morning, it's no mode, it's a cycle, it's a process.
Sandy:I don't like warnings anyway, so you shouldn't be talking to me.
Terrance:Yeah, so anyway, the only way that any of these these techniques work is you have to have trust Between one another, and that's where I go back to saying okay, well, you have to have an idea of who it is that you're dealing with, what their level of acceptance is for what it is you're asking for, and and those type of things.
Sandy:Yeah, and to link, you said Some more realistic. It's a question is the better? If you're asking for unrealistic, I mean, I don't think anything, any technique is gonna work.
Terrance:I think all your questions, if you want them, that you want to have the slightest chance of getting a, yes, it has to be based in something that is actually Rooted in reality. If you, yes, are asking to purchase something that you by no means can afford, chances are mm-hmm. It's not gonna happen, Even if the person says yes, if you ain't got the money for it and you ain't got the money for it.
Sandy:Yeah, I could see you're leaning up questions, oh what leading up questions? Are you in a good mood today?
Terrance:I never asked if someone's in a good mood. You always assume it's that. When you ask questions in a positive, you know manner, you're, you're assuming that they're in a good mood.
Sandy:It's always yes, yes.
Terrance:Yes.
Sandy:What if I'm not in a good, are you?
Terrance:breathing. Yes. Are you awake? No, see, the answer that question is yes, because you actually answered it. I didn't say did you want to be awake? I said are you awake?
Sandy:All right, I'm gonna. All right, I'm gonna start doing like a lie detector on you. Is your name Terrence?
Terrance:One of many. That's not the lie detector test. Having having perspective of what you're asking for and and who you're asking is another big thing. In conclusion, they're going to be times in your relationship where you will want something and you will need to get your partner on board. But if you develop trust, if you have good communication skills and you know your partner, the strategies we covered today will help you get that yes that you've been looking for. Now that that's out of the way. Let's get to the weekly reflection. What you will be able to achieve tomorrow depends on what you do today. Basically, what I'm saying is the choices and actions you take today Shape what you can achieve tomorrow. So be sure that, whatever it is that you do today, make account, because your actions today can dictate what you're capable of doing in the future. That is it for this episode. Thank you for joining the lunch with Sandy podcast. Be sure to follow and leave feedback on your favorite podcasting app.
Announcer:That's it for this week's episode of the lunch with Sandy podcast. Thanks for listening. We'd love to hear your feedback and comments on Instagram, tiktok and Twitter at lunch with Sandy, and be sure to follow us on your favorite podcast app. If you enjoyed the show, don't forget to rate and review us. Thanks again for listening to the lunch with Sandy podcast.
